Hey friends, it is Jessi Romero and I am back with another episode. And this podcast is especially designed for us ADHD entrepreneurs. And that is what we cover in this podcast if this is your first episode listening. So today, I want to talk about this uncommon opinion that I have about consistency. And if you are in the business world, and I know you have probably come across the phrase, consistency is key. And well actually, even if you're not in the business world, you might have read this in self help books and habit books, and so many different things that we've probably come across in our life to better ourselves, because we see our faults, we see how we may be very inconsistent. And we don't want that, you know, as an ADHD person, consistency does come hard for us for many reasons. And I do want to say I am no doctor, I am not a neuroscientist, I am just an ADHD woman who is obsessed with researching about ADHD. And I'd really love to learn more about my brain because I have found that the more I learn about my brain, the more I can understand myself. And the more I can understand myself, the more I can help myself. So that is what I hope for you guys as well. And I hope as you listen to this podcast, you learn a few things. So let's go straight into it, some tiny bit of background, because I took an antibiotic because I had a really bad sinus infection, not COVID i It was really, really bad sinus infection. And actually, if you've listened to the last few, I was really sick, and one of them and you can hear my sick voice. And it took me a really long time to get over it. And I was so desperate for relief, because the sinus infection turned into an ear infection. And I do not have enemies. But if I did have them, I would not wish it upon them an ear infection as bad as I had it. Anyways, I was very desperate. And I practically begged for an antibiotic because I knew that that would help. And actually, like literally an hour after taking the antibiotic, I started to feel immediate relief. It was amazing. I was so happy ever since then, I have noticed that my brain, and all of the areas of my ADHD have been exasperated and have been really bad. And I noticed this pattern in my life. And now that I know that I have ADHD, I know how to pick up certain things about myself, I go through these patterns where my gut health is not good. Or if I get sick, it really affects me. And so now I've been able to pinpoint that when my ADHD gets this bad. It's because my gut health has been affected. And I don't know if that sounds like what do you mean your gut health? But yeah, I think it's 98% Do not quote me, but it's 90% for sure our serotonin is created in our gut, and serotonin is very essential to keeping the peace and staying relaxed. So I've been very anxious. And yeah, I don't want to go on and on about this. But basically all of my symptoms that could be explained by my ADHD have been worse. I've been talking more I literally stand in front of my door saying what was I going to do. And that happens way more often now than it used to, I'll literally stand around just trying to remember what the heck I was doing. And I just haven't had the energy that I usually had a lot of my habits that I did have have fallen back off. So it's just a whole thing. But don't worry about me. I'm working really hard on working on my gut health, like your girl bought a bunch of probiotics, and I'm not eating out and I'm eating super green and healthy because I'm determined to get my brain back. Because yeah, I don't like feeling this way. And I'm also at the point where I really like healed Jesse. I really like healed me and the balance that I have on my ADHD now and when this happens, I lose all of that. Anyways, with that comes the consistency. And why is that because I've been so inconsistent for the last month because of everything that I've been experiencing. And it just makes me reflect on a lot of things when I was blaming my ADHD for all of the bad in my life because that's all I saw. I only saw that then there could have been so many positives. But it was so hard to see those when I could see how much my ADHD was affecting me and then there was already so much self hate in me my whole life, right because I didn't know what to blame. So I just blamed myself and I already had that in me but then when I learned about my ADHD it turned into ADHD as the villain and I have this and I can never be consistent because ADHD makes me anxious And I can never be organized because ADHD makes me unorganized. I can never carry a conversation without trying to interrupt someone because my ADHD makes me do that, right. And those thoughts, and they're not just thoughts, they were actually beliefs narratives that I told myself, were limiting me because I took them on as true. And I said, Yep, that's true, I've never going to be able to do that. So guess what, I never wasn't able to do that. Being organized was really hard. For me. staying consistent was really hard for me, try not to blurt out my side of the story, or like, Oh, that reminds me of this time that blah, blah, blah, blah, and completely cut my friend off, that was really hard for me to avoid, because I had already determined in my mind that that was something I could not do. Because I was labeling it as my ADHD because it's just the way my brain is wired. So I'm not saying that that is not true. It is true, I do have that struggle. But it does not mean that I do not have like the capability of being that or improving that aspect in my life. So I think that this is where it was a really hard journey for me. I know, like, it's so much easier said than done, gosh, so much easier. And I tried really hard. Like, I'm not talking about one day there. It was, like months, almost a year of me working through these things. And it was difficult and messy. But it was so liberating. In the end, when I started to believe in myself, and I dare to believe that the ADHD in me in my brain, my tendencies, things I've watched myself do my whole life, those didn't have to define the way the rest of my life is gonna look like and the way my everyday looks. Right? Now, I'm not saying I started pretending to be neurotypical and pretending like I didn't have an ADHD brain because that's really stupid, and not really possible, and just creates more crippling anxiety and stress, right? So I'm just saying that I dare to believe like, you know what, Jesse, you can be organized. And I believe that I gave myself the benefit of the doubt. But it wasn't just that, then it was okay. So if I want to be organized, like, what does it look like to do that? How can I be organized. And I had to change my definition of organization, because for my whole life, and I know that you guys can relate on this, my whole life, my definition of organization, or what my house should look like, was based off of what I saw on movies based off of what I saw on Pinterest, based off of what I saw from my favorite influencer on Instagram, based off of what my mom taught me growing up and what our home look like, based off of what I thought my husband wanted his home to look like, and the expectation of me to keep it that way. And there's just so many different opinions and people's standards of what organization should look like. But I never stopped to ask myself, what does it mean for me? What do I want organization in my home to look like? What works for me, not what everyone what works for everyone else, or what everyone else likes and would maybe cast on me and expect me to do? Forget that I want to know what works for me. And that's when my ADHD, really I felt like it really started to balance out because I had to get rid of the neurotypical standards or other people standards on my life. That was very a subconscious thing. It wasn't something that I like, you know, could just read out and blurt out and be like, yes, my whole must be like this. Like, it wasn't like that. It was also conscious. But it was in me and it was dictating the way I talk to myself the way I viewed myself, the way I was stressed out when I saw that the house wasn't clean. Part of that was clutter anxiety, right, like getting overwhelmed by too much clutter. That's like a sensory thing that a lot of ADHD ears also have sensory sensitivities. So for me, yes, when I see clutter, it makes it hard for me to concentrate, it overwhelms me to some points. But that wasn't my reasoning. For me wanting a clean and perfectly organized home. The main reason behind it was because I didn't want to be less than like everyone else. I didn't want to be judged. I didn't want to be rejected. I didn't want to feel like I was disappointing myself like I was inferior. Okay. And man, and we're getting deep here. But I know that this is what a lot of people self talk or subconscious thinking is doing. And we don't realize it because I mean, it means very deep things, but it's the journey I had to take and when I realized all of this stuff, I was like no screw that. And even to this day, I'll be honest with you. Even to this day, it gets difficult when you have something like someone really important in your life. Like, say, Thank God, my husband also has ADHD. Well, it's a thank God and like, God, why, but we understand each other. So he doesn't have a very high expectation for me to like, keep the house super clean and like ready for anyone to come visit. Because that's not important for him. And he knows how difficult that is for me, and we've loosened the standard, the expectation of what he expects, what he does expect is for me to love my son, he does expect to be able to walk and not trip, right? He does expect to be able to like, get to the kitchen and cook things, you know, and not have like a pile of dishes, that now you first have to clean that and then you can go right now I'm not gonna lie to you, Sunday's, that is the case. But there's grace, there's not judgment. So because of that, I had to reframe and change the meaning of what organization looks like for me, and I'm using the organization as an example, but enter in anything else, what does my expectation of being a good friend look like? Okay, let's go there. Because so many of us, we feel really bad that we feel like we're not good enough friends. Why? Because we forget to text her friend or call her friends, because our friends text us and we forget to reply, because we forget that our friends exists, because they're not in front of our face, when they're in front of our face, we remember. But when they're gone, we forget, because that's just the way our brain works. It's very visual, we get this narrative of ourselves, we tell ourselves, I'm such a bad friend, I'm not a good friend. Right? And I'm not saying that you should just go on and, you know, not text your friends back and never call them. I don't think that's okay, either. But I think having an expectation of what you expect for yourself, and changing that, versus having the expectation be like the glorified best friend in the world, because that's just that's too out of reach. And it's just very, like fake, you know, like, for what, what, what is the reasoning behind wanting that title? Is it just because it makes you feel good? Does it boost your ego? Does it help you people, please, who, you know, so there's just all of these questions that you can ask yourself to really get to the root of things. So you have to change your expectation of what you expect for yourself. This, people ask me, What is your number one key for ADHD, that is the one that I will be preaching until I die, you need to change your expectations for yourself. Because we have adopted all of these neurotypical expectations. We have adopted our friend, our father, our mother, our mother in law's expectation, the Instagram influencers expectation, and we've tried to mold ourselves to those, when that was not for us to mold ourselves to we have to mold something for ourselves, what works for me and my brain, my personality, my capability. And that's what I want to challenge you guys to do. So as I've kind of been sick, and I've been realizing how inconsistent. I have been because of you know, my ADHD brain really being very ADHD. Thankfully, I have grace for myself. And I know that this is not my normal. And I know that I'm capable of this. But right now I just have to be nicer to myself, and more patient as I heal all of my hormones and my brain and everything. So there's a lot of patients there. But I realized that this whole consistency is key thing is can be so damaging for us when we believe it, when we try to live our life that way. And this is something that just dawned on me just the other day. I've been kind of doing this but it just dawned on me and it was like in that moment that I made the decision that I will no longer strive for consistency. And I see this question get asked all of the time. People ask me this all the time I see other ADHD people ask in the Facebook groups How do I do this? And it's how do I stay consistent? How do I juggle being a mom and running a business? Or how do I juggle having a nine to five and also running a side business? How do I juggle keeping my family happy but also doing what I know I need to do? How do you juggle all these things? That's always a question and sometimes even more specifically like I get see this a lot in my Facebook group of course because you know a lot of the women are there are mothers as well and they run a business they asked like how do you do it? Like I can get super focused on my business and knock all of those things out. But then my house looks a mess and then I'm forgetting to cook and I'm ordering now. But then if I focus on being a good mom or good wife or whatever, and cleaning and cooking and doing all of that, then all my business stuff doesn't get done. And like, the question is always, what is a secret answer? How do you magically balance both of those things? And do a plus on both of those things? And I think a part of me has still been looking for that answer. Like, I haven't still even figured it out. But it wasn't until I realized just this week that that's just not possible for me. And I think I'm striving for something that, why why do I strive for balance, and it's like perfection, right? Like, I can perfectly balance both things a plus. But sometimes life is not about things being perfectly balanced. That's not how it works, we're human, sometimes things are not going to be great. Like, when you create a beautiful, yummy recipe, you can have all of the, you know, measurements and everything to a tee. But it's not always going to come out the same way. It doesn't matter how much you control the variables, or the measurements or everything, right? There's so many other aspects that can go on like, it can be slightly different, right? Even factory stuff can be slightly different. And I think that's just what we have to view our own life with, and accept that our normal, our expectation doesn't have to include perfect balance, and perfect consistency. So with that, I'm not saying don't ever strive to be consistent and continue your ways. And don't ever try to be consistent on anything. So what I'm saying because actually, yes, consistency really does help. Right? Like if I need to take my like, right now I'm taking all my probiotics. And I already had the habit of taking like all of my vitamins and supplements in the morning. So it's easy to throw in more of those, because I already had that habit established, but I have a probiotic that I have to take at night. And that one has been hard because I am not used to taking anything at night. So the habit was already not established. So it's been hard. I've not been consistent with it. But here are my options before Jessie, you're not being consistent. You keep forgetting to take the stupid pill. Like you're so dumb, why can't you remember, you have to find a new spot for it. And it's just like shaming myself, right? Or I could just be like, Okay, shoot, I keep forgetting to do that. I need to find a solution. I need to find a way to do this. But you know what, even if I forget to take it one day, it's okay. No one is going to come and whip me into shape, just say to then take one pill, right? So I think there are certain things that we really should strive for consistency, there are things in my life that are more priority for me to really strive to be consistent in that, like, you know, some of my business things I really do try to be consistent in well, previous to me feeling this way, I was pretty consistent with my content and posting on Instagram five times a week. That was my rule. And I've been doing that almost for two years. Now. I can say I've been pretty consistent with that. But I think for a lot of us, our brains are so black and white sometimes that it's hard for us to see gray as a good thing. And this is where I really want you to challenge your thoughts and your views on this when you see them come up because it's just not realistic sometimes to what you are capable of in the moment. And it's okay, we are human. We are people we have needs and things happen. And it's okay. Like I think the important part is saying I don't accept for me to be a slob and live like a slob. Like that's just something I don't accept for myself. But hold on. Why not? Because I'm afraid of what people will think. Absolutely not. But because I know that that alters my mental health. Seeing clutter everywhere gives me a lot of clutter overwhelm, it ramps up my anxiety, it makes things harder, I don't like it, it really affects my mental health. So knowing that I make not living like a slob more of a priority, which doesn't mean I have a whole bunch of Christmas boxes in my room right now that I have been avoiding throwing away but I don't accept to continue this on like Sunday, baby this week. I will clean it up. Because I don't accept it and one day I'm just gonna be like, Fine Let me just do this now. Okay, but before I would just accept that that was it and I would literally months would go by and I wouldn't do anything because I had accepted it. So pick which things you want to choose to be more consistent in and make those your priority. And then I want you to also think about what are some things that the consistency in this factor does not quite affect your life enough for you to make it a priority like for So right now in my business, I'm not posting on Instagram right now very much. I have chosen that right now because I'm trying to focus on getting better. And I have other things. And I'm trying to deliver this bundle that I created. And I'm hunkered down on that. So I cannot do both right now. And I have accepted that. And I have accepted being inconsistent, quote, unquote, in that form, because it's what I need right now. Okay, so I want you to look at what are some things that are priorities that you must be consistent in again, when I say consistency, I do not mean perfect 10 out of 10 Every single time, that's not what consistency means for me anymore. And if that's what your brain still sees as consistency, then you're never going to be happy because we're not robots. And even robots don't have consistency. But we're human. For me, my consistency is more seven out of 10 of the times I did it that for me is consistency. Does that make sense? I can still say, if I were to talk to you guys, in six months from now, I can still say I've been consistent with my content, even though I kind of took a break in November, December. Why because for me seven out of 10, I was consistent. And that didn't mean I posted every single day on the.it just means that I didn't give up, it stayed as a priority. And I still tried and attempted and made moves to stay consistent. But what I did not do was ignore my needs, what I needed just to be consistent. Okay, that is a key thing. You don't want to forget the reason while you're choosing to be consistent on something. That's the whole point of why you're doing it right. So I hope this helps you. I think my next episode, maybe no promises. But I really want to talk a little bit more about this topic. I think we talked a lot about today in normal day life, but I want to talk about it next in business, because like I told you, I have really not been consistent with my business this month on purpose, things are still running, thank God, I have a team of people that helped me. So my virtual assistants have still helped and hunker down. But I'm so happy that I was able to get to a point to establish that so that I could take time off if I needed it. And when I needed it. So I'm not over here shaming myself that I haven't been consistent in whatever I used to do that, thankfully, I've learned my lesson. And this time around has been really eye opening for me to see my growth in that I'm still getting stuff done. My business has still made a lot of money this month. And I haven't been showing up consistently how I used to. And it's just been so rewarding to see that you do not have to be a little Minion working at all moments to make business and to feel good in your business. And I want to talk about that next. So if that's something that you're interested in, actually would help me if you let me know through Instagram or you send me a message so that I know to put that as top priority because if not, my little squirrel brain will probably be like, You know what, next week, we're going to talk about something else. So if you want to talk more about consistency, and how to structure your business, so that you can do this and you don't feel like you've actually by accident, created another nine to five that you feel a slave to almost, then we can definitely talk about because that is kind of my specialty. And how I help my one on one clients is making sure that we create their business around their needs, their personality, their energy levels and capabilities and their heart what they're passionate about. That is super important. So okay, but that is it. I want to hear your thoughts on this. If you're in my Facebook group for ADHD, female entrepreneurs community, that's the name of the group. Come and join. Tell me what you thought about this podcast or if you have any questions, and I can help you through them. So yes, also make sure you check the show notes for any of my links to any of my courses, or programs that can really help your brain. So that is it. I hope this was helpful. Let me know how this helped you. I always ask for you guys to do this. Why? Because if you do if you send me a message and say Jessie, I really like this part that nails it more into your brain. Because how many times have we learned and read through things and even watch courses and our brain doesn't soak it up? So this is one way for you to soak it up. Okay, I will see you at the next episode. Bye.
