Hey, welcome back to ADHD on an ADHD entrepreneurs podcast. So I'm excited for today's episode. And I have really avoided recording this episode for purposeful reasons. Because my life was just like, boom, explosion everywhere. Personal life, financial life, business life, like every single aspect of one's life. That's what was happening. And I say this because I can almost sense because when this was happening, I could sense that I was not the only one that was going through this because I just kept seeing other people, reaffirming some of the things that I was going through. And I'm like, Oh, wait, I'm not alone in this. And the more I spoke about it, the more people said, Oh my gosh, I'm not alone in this. So that is the beauty of social media. As much as we want to hate on social media. As much as there are tons of dangers that come with social media. Let's be grateful for the good ones. And especially for an ADHD community, we have realized that we are actually not alone. And we are actually not crazy. Well in like the medical term, but like, I don't know, I still call myself crazy, because I still think I'm crazy. But it all depends on how you use that word. For me crazy equals funny. For me crazy equals isn't that crazy? I did that. Like I'm hilarious, laugh at me. Let's all laugh together because my brain is a jokester. That's how I see my ADHD. That's what works for me. So yeah, and of course, there are times when I'm like, F this, I hate my brain. Why did I have to be this way? Why can't it just be easy for me? Like, those are normal thoughts. And it's normal for your brain to go there when things get hard. And I've also found that the differences between us and children actually are not, not that far. And I say that laughingly. Because if you are a mother, then I think you could really understand this. But even if you've been around kids, and I don't know if sometimes some of your behaviors or behaviors that you see in other people around, you just remind you of what kids are like, and people are like you're acting like a child. It's like, yeah, they are actually. And we are just like grown up kids and grown up bodies. But man, that's a whole nother topic. So anyways, it's just really funny. And I think I have a unique perspective now in my journey in my life right now as a mother, because I have to not only be a parent for the first time, and I mean, my son just turned three. So technically, I've been doing this for almost three years, and it's still very new. And there's just so much that you learn. Like if you think you learned a lot, wait until you have kids, and then you're gonna learn some more. And it's actually like a beautiful thing, because you learned so much more about yourself, watching your kids, watching them be the way that they are and allowing them to be the way they are and giving them the space because their children, right, like there's no excuse, you can't tell them stop acting like a child because they are a child. So it's just funny to see what comes out of you when you're around kids and to see what comes out of them. And it really feels like a mirror completely watching yourself, or at least relating to certain expressions they have to certain behaviors. And for me, and my motherhood journey, it has been my mission to rewire change, break the cycle, whatever you want to call it, of what I was previously taught, and not even just that, but I think there's just a huge movement right now. And man, I'm sounding like super out there. So just go with me. Okay, but I just feel like there's a huge movement in today's society, where a lot of us have finally woken up to the fact that the previous years and our childhood and our adulthood, and whatever it was, was just full of crap, full of societal norms and standards. And of course, we still have them today, da. But I think it's just really cool that so many people, there's just been this movement, I almost feel like it doesn't matter where you're from, anywhere in the world. I feel like a lot of people are realizing that that was crap. And like, I don't have to live that way. I don't have to believe that anymore. I don't have to stay there. And I can change my mind. Right. And so yeah, that is kind of where I have been for the last few years. But it just feels like I almost entered a new level of awareness. Every time like with every stage of my son, I feel like I enter a new level of awareness within myself and within my son within my husband, watching my husband, parent, then watching my parents, be grandparents and watching my sister being on and like, it's just all so weird. And so much comes out. And it's just a journey that is really actually difficult if you experienced a lot of traumatic behaviors and instances. And when I say traumatic, I have to preface this first, I am an ADHD entrepreneur, and I have a vast knowledge on psychology because I'm an absolute nerd. I have been since I was a kid, I've always been obsessed with being able to understand what other people's brains are doing. Why did they act that way? Why did they make that face? When I said this? Why did they do that? I've always been that person. I wish that was not true. Because this shows up in my life, in a lot of negative ways, but equally in a lot of positive ways. And I've just always been that person in it, I'm still that person. Anyways, I'm not a mental health professional, I do not have a degree, I don't have those things. So I want you to know that because what I'm seeing is my personal experience from the research and what I know. But please double check what you feel is right, and ask your therapist, your psychiatrist or psychologist, whoever you have in your life. And if you don't have one of those, you can have one of those. I do urge you to find a good one. But if not, then let's continue. Okay, so wait, what the heck was I saying? I don't remember what I was saying. But I just have found that there's different levels. I think that's what it was. There's different levels, as I go through with my son. And there is the you've probably heard this term, big T trauma. And there's the little T trauma. And I've heard this term so many times. But the person that always reminds me of this is my friend Tina Madson, she's awesome. So there's the big T trauma, which is like an actual very big, traumatic event in your life, then there is the little T trauma, which is like a smaller event in your life that caused you to feel certain emotions and things and your brain is now kind of expecting, prepared and worried about those things happening again. And so again, this is just my interpretation and what I can think of on the fly. But that is basically a very important thing to know, because a lot of us have been taught. And again, depending on what your circle is, and how in your upbringing, but a lot of has been taught that you're not allowed to cry, you're not allowed to complain, until you have literally had the worst effing day in your life. And it's that kind of mindset that is so freaking toxic, so, so toxic, it has been so toxic for my life. And as soon as I was able to really pinpoint it and be able to be in a place where I can advocate for myself, and I learned some of the stuff I'm sharing with you today wasn't until I could be like, I no longer subscribe to that. That is a bowl of BS. And no, I'm not going to allow it. Like for example, I am Colombian so my parents are Colombian but I was born here well in Miami, in the US and so I have a unique perspective on life I guess because I am what they call Colombian American. So I have both of those cultures. And my parents were like, I'm a first generation American, and I am also the eldest daughter, I am the firstborn. So if you know anything about that, then you know that the firstborn is always the guinea pig, the experimental child. And that is just the way of life. And it's all of this is so crazy, because as I go through it, I can sense the brokenness in me of like, that was unfair. Why did I have to be the one that went through that, but then now, as a mother, who only has one son, I can see how that happened. I can see how my parents didn't know. And they were still trying to figure themselves out. They were still early adults, trying to figure things out, and they were new to a new country. That was the land of opportunity, where all your dreams can come true. Right. And I say that sarcastically sorry, because, well, America nowadays, I feel like we are just very disappointed in America. I don't know about you, but I, there's so many times that I'm like, I just should not even live here. Like, what the fuck? No, this is not good. I'm just gonna move to Canada. But then when I look at Canada politics, I'm like, Oh, my God, no, that's not safe. Then I'm like, well, where should I move to the Caribbean, but then I'm like, but then they have really crazy weather and then something happens. And by the way, this is anxiety. So anyways, that's a rant for another day. So it is the land of opportunities, because actually, my parents were able to create something that they would not have been able to create, had they stayed in their country with their the rest of their toxic family, okay, excuse me for saying it, but the rest of their toxic family and they were able to come here and detach from that environment, and learn different ways. And in a sense for Hispanics, and I think other BPOC people can really relate to this, maybe. But when I look at American culture, and like the Christian American culture, and the sweet like, Southern Belles, like when I look at that, I can see some of it in my culture, but it's just a different way of thinking because I would travel to Colombia very often in my childhood. Anyways, I was able to be immersed in those two cultures. And it's really amazing, because I feel like a lot of it, my parents were able to adapt a new way of living, a way that they would not have been able to adapt in Colombian culture. So that was really good. But there was also not a lot of information about ADHD. There was no information about mental health awareness. Really. It was all very stigmatized at that time. And the only kids that were mainly getting diagnosis for ADHD, were the kids that were the huge troublemakers in the class. The ones that were super fidgety, the ones that were causing the most trouble, the ones that it was, like very obvious something is wrong. And those were the ones who were getting diagnosed with ADHD because stuff. And they didn't know what else to look for, at least not in the schools I went to, and not with the people that were around my parents. And I love hearing the stories of other ADHD ears who did have those parents that really cared for them and really, like, took interest in their development, and knew that something was wrong early on and advocated for their child that warms my heart every time I hear it. And I can't even lie to you because it warms my heart as a mother, as someone who strives to be that and is doing that for my son, but then as someone who wished I had that my whole life and then my inner child that's in me the broken part that's in me that hears that goes, Why not me? Like, why couldn't I have that? And of course, my voice breaks, because it's still something that comes up. And I think I have had these conversations with so many other ADHD ears, and I hear their stories. And it's like, what you're saying is what I say, we're all living the same life. So, yeah, it's beautiful that some people were able to have that experience. But I also have heard from those who did get diagnosed really early on, that if the parent didn't know how to maneuver through it, and the environment of the school, like so many factors, it could become a label. And then it became a restricting thing, it became like, oh, well, she has ADHD, so you're not going to be able to do this. And you're going to have to be able to do that. And she needs this and she needs that. And then the kid felt like I'm a burden. People look at me weird, people now need to do extra work just so that I can be in their space. And that's crappy, I don't want them to have to do that. And it's a way of rejection, right? It's definitely feeling rejected, feeling like I'm a burden on someone. And if you have not put the points together, we probably went through this in so many different forms in our life. And that is why as entrepreneurs, when we do business, we don't want to be a burden, we want to be able to be invisible, as if we were not there, as if we were not a rock in someone's way in their steps. And as you know, we should try not to do that. But like, we also can be allowed to take up space. And you may hear that often, I love that people are saying this out loud, you can take up space, you are allowed to take up space, you deserve to take up space, I think so many of us have hidden, we have hidden, let's be real. We have tried to hide ourselves, we have tried to tune out what we really want to say, what we really want to do, we've toned it down, because toning it down meant that it was safe. For us, toning it down meant that no one was going to bat an eye, toning it down meant that we can stay invisible. And it makes sense because that's what we need in our environment. We felt like that was going to protect us and maybe to a certain extent it did protect you. But then the question today is, is it protecting you now? Or is it holding you back? Oh, I'm preaching. I felt that. Okay. And that is the question I continuously have to ask myself, every single day, in many moments of my business where I feel triggered, where I feel there's an emotional response that comes out of me, where I feel like I go into a negative space automatically in my brain. That is a cue to me, a flag, a red flag. And I don't even want to say that it's a red flag, but it's just a flag. It's a cue that there's something that I could explore deeper. It's something more than what's over the surface, like the tip of the iceberg. And this kind of work has really helped me in my journey. And this is actually work that I've been doing my whole life. But now ever since I discovered my ADHD almost two and a half years ago, it gave me so much freedom to be me to discover that. Actually, it's not someone's fault. Have you guys noticed that a lot of the time our knee jerk reaction is to blame someone who I honestly have never heard anyone really speak about this. But this is a pattern I have found in myself and in a lot of people around me that are neurodivergent. And of course there's moments in my day and in my life and in my cycle in my month that I don't do this. It's not my knee jerk reaction. And then there are moments when I am overstimulated, tired, exhausted. That is so much easier for me to immediately want to find someone to blame for what I'm experiencing. And it's just kind of funny when it happens now because now that I know that it happens I'm just like, but there's so many times where like say I stubbed my toe. So I’m walking, I stubbed my toe. I don't know if it is me because I'm exaggerating but like stubbing my toe is like the worst fucking thing in the world. Like, why did that just happen to me? I should just end like, I need to just go away to an island and never look at anyone ever. Like I don't, I don't need feet. Why do I even need feet if I'm just gonna stub my toe? And there's just like irrational thinking, that is so annoying. And yeah, like, I just go into, like, auto destruct mode. And immediately if I stub my toe and say it's like a toy, I'll be like, ah, and well, this is different. And see, this is interesting. But if it's a toy, and it's obviously my son, like, I actually don't blame my son, cuz I'm like, he's a kid. Like, he's had all his toys laid out right now he's having the time of his life, I'm allowing him to have the time of his life. So it's not his fault that I stubbed my toe. I think it's kind of cool that even through that, I don't even think about blaming him. But who I do think about is me. Immediately, I will blame myself, I will say, Oh, I'm so stupid. This is why I can't keep a clean house. Like if only I could just clean up all of his toys at all moments. And maybe we just need to get rid of all these toys. Maybe he just needs like three toys. And then I'm then I start going, why do people buy my son toys that have all these little pieces? Like, why does that exist? Can we just have something that is easy to clean up? And then my brain will start going into problem solving mode. And I'm giving you a slight into what a crazy ADHD wacky brain looks like. Because then my brain will go, what could I do to fix this problem, I'm like, I'm sure someone has thought about how to do this. I'm like, maybe there needs to be a way so that all these toys can be cleaned up at a snap of a finger. And I'm maybe dating myself with this, or maybe revealing how young I am, depending on who's listening. But I remember watching Sabrina, The Witch. This is like in the 90s. And I remember clearly there was I don't know if this was like, I don't know why remember this so clearly. But I just remember that she could snap her fingers and the bed would be made. And that stuck in my head. And I think I was so jealous of that. Like, as a kid, I was like, How the heck can I make that happen for myself? How do I get that superpower? Because God yes. And spoiler alert, it is still really hard for me to make my bed. And I know you're supposed to make your bed because it helps you, it makes you feel like you did something out of your day. And you can cross something off and start your day off. Right? I know, I've heard all of that. And the times that I have done it, it has helped. But also the way my bed is positioned right now. We have the crib right next to the bed. So being able to do the bed and put the comforter over on the side that's connected to the crib is just so frustrating that I literally just don't even do it. And yeah, I just don't even do it as best as I can. If I'm even in the mood to like see it kind of covered up. And I will just kind of put it over not even move the pillows not do all of that. Because right now in this current place that I'm in, I think I just don't even like the way my room looks. So I almost feel like what's the point? What's the point of making it look cute if there's all this other mess over here. And I would need to open the windows or open the blinds and I don't want to open the blinds because then too much sun is going to come in and that hurts my eyes because of Irlen syndrome. And like the list goes on and on and on. We're just full of excuses. But they're not excuses. They're valid reasons in my brain. So that's why I say some days, I'm up for it. Some days, it feels like the right thing to do. Some days I'm chipper and I'm like, You know what? Yes, I am going to do my bed. Go me. And then other days. I'm like, fuck my bed. I'm just gonna go back to sleeping in it tonight. Like what is the point of doing it? Oh my gosh, I drive myself nuts. So Okay, anyways, Sabrina the witch. I wish I had her powers, but I don't have those powers. So that's right, blaming someone. We just tend to blame other people sometimes. Like that is our knee jerk reaction. Okay, and when I discovered that that is my knee jerk reaction. It helps me move past that knee jerk reaction quicker. rewire that knee jerk reaction so it doesn't even come because for that split second that it happens I can feel myself wanting to go down that route. And I'll be like, No, that's actually not the route I want to go down right now. Anyways, I just say that because I want to see if you guys have found this out about yourself. And maybe will maybe now that you heard maybe now you will start to discover it about yourself. But sometimes I'll watch my husband do it. And it's so funny when you can watch other people do it right? It's equally funny when you watch yourself, do it. But it's funnier. When you can watch somebody else do it. Like, the other day, he, I think he stubbed his toe. And like, something was in the way, I think it was my shoe that was in the way, but my shoe usually goes there. And then he's like, Ah, why are those shoes? And then I remember I was just laid down, and I watched that happen. And I just looked at him with a smile. Because what I wanted to do was just laugh in his face. And I'm like, No, that's rude. That's just gonna make it worse. So I just smiled, trying to contain my laughter. And I think he caught on and he started laughing. And he's like, oh, like, he's like, Man, I wasn't looking where I was going. And then I'll be like, Yeah, cuz my shoe apparently was in your way. And so I don't know, I am very sarcastic if you don't know this about me, actually, this is good for you to know. But I'm also still really empathetic and compassionate, and can often see both of the sides. And actually, that's really annoying about me. Because I feel like I'm very biased in many situations. And it's really annoying. And yeah, that is being neurodivergent not even just ADHD, being neurodivergent being human freak, whatever, doesn't matter the name. Okay, that is what I wanted to say, apparently. And I did record a whole bunch of rest of the stuff to this, but it got too long. So there may be a second episode to finish it off. Or it may just be a whole different thing. Who knows? It doesn't matter what it is. But I hope you enjoyed or related to any part of this. And if you did, can you let me know. Also, if any of this was triggering, I'm sorry. And let's remember too that sometimes what we hear in like, this is the thing about podcasting or just hearing one sided stuff. There's no dialogue, you know, so there may be some things that were not clear. And I wish I could know what was included. So I can tell you, but just give me the benefit of the doubt, because I really care about people profusely. But I also know that I need to share my story the way my story is. And I think I hid my story for a long time. I wanted it to not be what it was. So that it could appeal to the right people, whatever that even means. So I guess I just want to say that this is me unmasking. This is me practicing to share my story of something that I do often, but just in this container in this form. And with this audience, you know, if you don't follow me on Instagram, if you're not in my Facebook group, if you're not in my membership, then you wouldn't really like know my heart. Um, well, I don't know why. I don't know why I feel like I'm defensive. Why am I defensive? I'm not defensive. I guess it's so scary to put things out because you never know how it's going to come across. But I think it's cool for us to like, be authentically ourselves and step into that. Will it happen day to night? Heck, no, it's going to be a journey. You got to do it little by little. But it is going to be amazing for you as you walk through allowing yourself to be you if it's a safe environment for you to be you even, you know, sometimes we're still in places that it's actually not a safe environment. And so then maybe the journey for that is trying to get yourself to a safer environment so that you can be right. So yeah, just wanted to add that. But I don't even have anything to promote. Because right now, my business is still in restriction, restriction, re renovation, I'm renovating a house and my business at the current time. Wow, happy Lucky me. And no, I'm super grateful that I can do this. But it's difficult. So that is what I wanted to say. I hope this was helpful for you in any parts? Let me know. I really enjoy hearing that from you guys. And yeah, stick around for the next episode. Okay.
